Friendship or Flirting?

3 Sep 2012

Three's a Crowd | The Moonberry Blog

Last week I heard through the grapevine about a story involving three people that stopped me in my tracks and basically it’s some fucked up shit. I thought it’d be interesting to put it up here and seek public opinion.

Part 1: Is it appropriate for a guy to be telling a girl (who’s not his girlfriend) things like “You are the prettiest amongst all your friends”, “You look really great”, “You are so beautiful”, exchanging daily text messages, having frequent lunches/dinners together and doing special favors for her — all without his girlfriend’s knowledge and keeping it hush hush? FRIENDSHIP OR FLIRTING?

Part 2: A much younger girl (fresh grad) accepts and goes on dates with a much older man (established professional; 18 yrs older to be exact) knowing that he already has a girlfriend and also knows who the girlfriend is in person. They both keep the dates hush hush, of course. Guy’s girlfriend is not aware of these dates and is hardly mentioned in their conversations (if at all). Does young girl have QUESTIONABLE INTENT OR JUST BEING FRIENDLY?

You get the picture on what’s going on. I am posing the questions as part 1 and part 2, such that one is directed at the guy’s behavior and the other is directed at the girl’s behavior. My curiosity lies in their respective moral conduct and whether guy and girl’s behaviors are acceptable. I want to know: Are certain boundaries being blurred and crossed? What is each of them up to? Why all the hush hush and why is guy’s girlfriend deliberately being kept in the dark?

Incidentally, I have also posted the same two questions on my FB, Instagram and Twitter because I wonder whether guys and girls will have differing opinions/answers and defend their own gender. So far though, the response I have collected have been (predictably) unanimous, with all picking the same answer.


In my personal opinion, I say these two are acting shady so something must be up and it definitely does not sound kosher one bit to me. “Just friends”…. sh’yeah rite! They should be thrown into the dog house because as the Chinese saying goes, 一對狗男女. *DISGUSTING*

What about you, what’s your take on this?

4 Responses to Friendship or Flirting?

  1. Valerie says:

    Hmmmmmm. I agree they are up to something, if not now but later. But imo we shouldn’t judge la using as what we believe to be a proper “moral” conduct. :D

  2. Andrea says:

    My two cents worth –
    In both cases, it’s of questionable intent and flirting. I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to this. I still believe that it is hard to maintain a platonic relationship with the opposite sex and be close. Boundaries will be crossed eventually – “When Harry Met Sally”. Of course, there are exceptions, but those are fewer and mostly, when both are attached in stable relationships and/or married.

    I might be wrong, but from what I know, most guys wouldn’t respond unless they are interested. To continue keeping the exchange of sms-sing or so, even if special things aren’t done, it’s an indication of interest. It’s also how much do you want to provide that opportunity to risk something happening? If you truly love your partner, you wouldn’t think of risking being in an awkward situation.

    What’s i’ve sadly realized, is that many girls I know, wouldn’t mind being the third wheel. Even if they know a guy is attached, they would still try to make a move.

  3. purple says:

    Perhaps it’s because humans like to test boundaries. We do it when we’re a child, and probably will keep on doing it till we breath our last.

    Maybe it’s also human nature to like to flirt, especially when one or both suspects certain attraction and flirting is a way to confirm or negate that suspicion. But, when one (or both) party is attached and the entire thing is done in a secretive manner, then the danger lurks (and perhaps the thrill as well…)

    Maybe in the beginning it was friendship, admiration or whatever one calls it, but the more time spent, then the very likely the more these feelings of mutual attraction increases. The justification could be that both parties may say it’s harmless because they ‘think’ they know what they’re doing…

    Personally, I feel the answers to parts 1 and 2, are both and in unequal percentages because likely the people who are in that situation and experiencing it, may not be able to differentiate it as well…

    But all these changes, if already at the beginning, one (or both) parties knowingly set up the path that leads to certain outcomes. For example, the guy feels attraction and purposely do things that lead to the girl liking him even more etc etc. Or it could be the other way round, or both parties equally guilty of that…or perhaps, I’ve watched too many movies…

  4. Eileen says:

    Part 1- seems to me the guy is trying his luck.. perhaps he wants some ‘excitement’ out of his relationship but if ever the gf is gonna find out..then hell breaks loose..

    part 2- young girl could be attracted to the older man becoz he is stable and also of the possible career oppourtinines if she gets ‘friendly’ with him.. not trying to judge but seems that the guy is also up to no good.. if he just wants to be a mentor to this young girl..then i see nthing wrong with letting the gf know about it.. so yeah.. 他们居心不良~

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