Perv On The Subway

14 May 2011




I recently posted this on FB:

Perv On The Subway

So the story is this: Fucken’ pervert was lurking nearby while I was waiting for the local train and I sorta picked up immediately that he was acting weird the first instant I saw him on the subway platform. Like something was not right, he kept staring at me while scratching his crotch and then hiding himself behind one of the pillars out of my sight. This shady fella was definitely giving off bad vibes but the train was taking a damn bloody fucking long time to arrive, garrhhhhh! So I looked over again to check on what he was doing and making sure that I was a safe distance away from him. It was then that I got a clear view of him, his hand was still fiddling with his crotch and I realized that he had started to spank his monkey. WTF!!! The grossest part was he continued staring at me while whacking away at his limp dick!!!!! WTF! WTF! WTF!

FUCKING GROSSNESS.

I remember thinking, “WTF I should do something about this! Gawddammit, I have tons of shopping bags on me, I’m exhausted from hauling these all over town all day and this shit is so bloody heavy otherwise I should storm over there and swing a punch at him, or yell out at him and/or alert someone about this nasty shit. Is the fucking train arriving soon or not? I don’t see any headlights at the end of the tunnel yet. There’s still time, maybe I ought to march over there and shove this guy into the tracks”. All these raging thoughts were going on in my head as I looked away. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of having me as his audience to this one-man show, but clearly he was getting off in a big way as I could hear the rapid whacking noise increasing in speed…. WHICH PISSED ME OFF EVEN MORE. As I looked away I was channeling my anger, and thought, “Fuck this shit, the train’s not here yet, maybe I can still kick him in the balls. That will give him a happy ending.” But then the train arrived (ABOUT BLOODY FUCKING TIME) so I boarded. :

Any of you encountered this sorta of thing before?

What would you have done?

What do you think I should’ve done?

This occurred on the subway platform of Jamaica-bound Grand Avenue station, about 4:48pm on a Thursday. I sorta wished there were more people on the platform at that time who were within earshot so that I could make a scene and humiliate this douchebag. Or maybe I should’ve whipped out my camera phone, recorded a video of this and posted it on YouTube. But then again, this loser didn’t look like someone who uses a computer so an internet-wide humiliation ain’t gonna do any psychological damage to him (and clearly he already has psychological issues to be jerking off in public).

For the sake of description, the offender was a Hispanic blue-collar type, possibly in his mid-to-late thirties, about 5’5, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, baseball hat, oversized jeans, sneakers, with moustache, and a tiny limp dick.

Ggggrrrrrrr, should’ve would’ve could’ve.

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See, I wasn’t kidding about both my hands being full with huge shopping bags. They were heavy too!




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